LUS Extra V-Line Lift Up - a review about my fat face

7:31 AM

I was sent this harness thing a while ago. According to some guesses on Instagram, it could be a) an exercise thing b) a super hero costume c) a chin fat melter wrap d) a girdle e) a sex harness thing (okay, that was The Boyfriend's rather hopeful guess).






 Turns out one of those guesses was right - it's a strap from the LUS Extra V-Line Lift Up chin firming kit. Designed for tightening flabby chins and necks, I was obviously utterly delighted to be sent this by an online shop selling the line.

Wait, no, not utterly delighted. REALLY FRIGGING INSULTED! Thanks for telling me that I have a fat face that needs to be physically restrained to decrease its offending puffiness.
Artist's interpretation of my giant face

 So of course I tried it. Do I look more attractive now?

SO HOT, RIGHT? You've worked your magic on me, face-reducing harness of my dreams!

By the way, I'm truly sorry/not sorry for the lack of make-up in these photos, bar the lash extensions and the always flattering 'sitting in a 35 degree studio apartment' flush.


Basically it's a lotion-soaked sheet mask, that you apply to your chin and neck before securing with the foam strap (there are ear holes! EAR HOLES!) and securing with velcro. You're then meant to wear this thing for 30-40 minutes.

I call this my 'wistful staircase gaze'. I'm also standing pigeon-toed. FARSHUNNNN!

I lasted about five minutes, because the mask started burning and irritating my skin, and honestly it was a bit too much of a sexy look for me. Forget milkshakes, nothing brings the boys to my yard like the allure of de-fattening headgear.

It's like you don't even have to try to be sexy in this thing!

When I tried to peel it off, the cursed thing velcroed itself to my hair and flicked gel in my eye. And my neck and chin are as flabby and non-husband-attracting as ever, dammit!

Have you ever tried one of these ridiculous contraptions? Is my face really that fat, that a store in Korea feels compelled to inform me of my unfortunate condition?



Disclaimer: This product was sent to me by Glow and Glamour. They have in no way influenced my review and opinions are my own. It is also my opinion that ain't nothing wrong with a fat face, shake dat jelly! See my Disclaimer for more sexy details.



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22 brilliant comments

  1. Matilly RoseFebruary 10, 2013 at 7:47 AM

    Oh my that was way too funny, I think your very brave to put photos up lol.......Thanks for making my day <3


    www.matillysthisnthat.blogspot.com.au

    ReplyDelete
  2. Chels @ COABAFebruary 10, 2013 at 8:00 AM

    I still say it looks like a vagina cosy.

    ReplyDelete
  3. georgeandbearFebruary 10, 2013 at 2:36 PM

    This looks like something my mother would have foisted upon me when I was about 12 or 13. Along with her delightful habit of gently pinching my noise upwards in the hope that over time it would become pointier... Hahahahahaha.

    ReplyDelete
  4. lovenailpolishFebruary 10, 2013 at 4:09 PM

    I could use that thing, but obviously you don't need it, what were they thinking? Thank you for the laugh.

    ReplyDelete
  5. Karen ChinFebruary 10, 2013 at 4:53 PM

    Your posts never fail to make me laugh! Haha this contraption looks so funny, although I have seen it before from one of Bubzbeauty's videos. So what was the verdict? Did your face become slimmer? I want to try it just for fun now! :)


    http://reveriebelle.blogspot.com.au

    ReplyDelete
  6. Sam MurakamiFebruary 11, 2013 at 2:44 AM

    Mwahaha great post dear. I lived with a lot of Korean girls together while studying abroad and let me tell you; these girls are just insane. They had the most strange-looking beauty stuff I've ever seen in my life so I guess you shouldn't feel that insulted by that particular store. In Asian eyes we are all chubby faces with giant noses :D

    ReplyDelete
  7. MichaelaLRRFebruary 11, 2013 at 5:04 AM

    I think that a lot of these stuff is so not needed! But then again, I'm the one with a moon face!

    ReplyDelete
  8. MichaelaLRRFebruary 11, 2013 at 6:36 AM

    It didn't become slimmer, but it did get itchier!

    ReplyDelete
  9. MichaelaLRRFebruary 11, 2013 at 6:36 AM

    I don't think anyone needs it!

    ReplyDelete
  10. MichaelaLRRFebruary 11, 2013 at 6:36 AM

    Oh no, poor you! She sounds delightful.

    ReplyDelete
  11. MichaelaLRRFebruary 11, 2013 at 6:36 AM

    It doesn't wear as a vagina cosy :(

    ReplyDelete
  12. MichaelaLRRFebruary 11, 2013 at 6:37 AM

    Brave, or stupid?

    ReplyDelete
  13. jadegrrrlFebruary 12, 2013 at 12:55 PM

    YIKES 0_O but on a much more positive note I'm in love with your lash extensions <3

    ReplyDelete
  14. MichaelaLRRFebruary 13, 2013 at 6:35 AM

    I *liked* them, but not happy now - one eye drastically lost lashes after 2 days!

    ReplyDelete
  15. jadegrrrlFebruary 13, 2013 at 6:49 AM

    :( oh no, two days, that's wayyy too early, I knew they fell out eventually, but two days?!

    ReplyDelete
  16. Jenny WFebruary 26, 2013 at 4:34 AM

    You are a HOOT Michaela :) ps. so jealous of how beautiful you look without makeup

    ReplyDelete
  17. LouAnaFebruary 26, 2013 at 9:52 AM

    that's not an artist's interpretation of your giant face... that's Noel Fielding, my boyfie has the theme song as his ringtone... annoying British (not) comedy... don't be so harsh on yourself Micheala please don't ever compare yourself to Noel Fielding ever again. Although the face brace looks like something your have to wear after surgery on doctor's order.... and yea those lash stensions are so gorgeous and lush....

    ReplyDelete
  18. MichaelaLRRFebruary 26, 2013 at 9:57 AM

    Maybe this looks more like me then ;) https://encrypted-tbn3.gstatic.com/images?q=tbn:ANd9GcSI1gEf__4tU1AfdQ0w2Yz7dZVsOyK5_WiI_O1e6tbFtnIRzzW3

    ReplyDelete
  19. MichaelaLRRFebruary 26, 2013 at 9:58 AM

    Oh pfffft, you! My cheeks are way too ruddy without some cover up!

    ReplyDelete
  20. LouAnaFebruary 26, 2013 at 11:37 AM

    Oh no Michaela, NONONONO... please don't tell me you're a fan??? How could you be how could you be a fan of this http://media.tumblr.com/tumblr_mavjxtOrVV1qaznki.gif

    ReplyDelete
  21. MichaelaLRRMarch 3, 2013 at 4:23 PM

    Way too easily! *hangs head in shame*

    ReplyDelete
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