Here are some of my best slumber scents!

Kenzo Eau de Fleur de Prunier (AED250 // A$90) – My very first sleep scent, this EDT's sweet almond notes and sugared plum blossoms made me dream of French bakeries and marzipan. It's also the reason why I dozed off at my desk while eating an almond croissant the other morning.

Biotherm Eau Oceane (AED140 // A$49) – Summer's warm nights demand not only a no-quilt, fan-on-full-blast policy, but a light aquatic scent to keep the mood cool. The watery fruits, lemon wedges and algae notes are best sprayed over clean sheets before diving in.

Elizabeth Arden Green Tea Lavender (AED55 // A$19) – A gentle musky lavender that's relaxing, but like most Elizabeth Arden scents still has a hint of your slightly unhinged aunt in her mid-70s who likes to take out her teeth after a few shandies at the family reunion. Or maybe that's just my family.

Kiehl's Aromatic Blends Vanilla and Cedarwood (AED210 // A$75) – My winter nap favourite. Cozy wood notes and creamy vanilla wrap around like a cashmere blanket for bourbon-scented boozy dreams. 

Vivienne Westwood Boudoir (AED349 // $125) – Okay, this isn't a sleepy-time scent, more of a rip-off-your-clothes, dirty, sweaty, big old slutty scent. Use this to slooooowly condition your partner in bed adventures to recognise its thick jasmine, tobacco leaves and over-the-top aldehydes (a waxy citrusy scent like snuffed-out candles) as a sexy-time cue, Pavlov's dog style. Spritz while he's brushing his teeth, and lie in wait.


Am I on the weird side for having a night-time perfume? Should I just stick to night cheese?




Or perhaps you prefer another fragrance for bed?

One of the nice things about Dubai is the availability of beauty products not normally so easily accessible in Australia.

Say, for example, the full range of L'Artisan Parfumeur perfumes, candles and other scented goodies contained within this shop in The Dubai Mall.

Terrible phone pic, but you get the idea

Another nice thing about Dubai? When things are discontinued or given new packaging, they are not shunted back to the brand or manufacturer, or chucked in a back room to gather dust, or nicked by shady employees. They are put on sale at a heavy discount. Like, a real discount, none of this piddly 10% bullshit.

My number one man jam is the divine Amber Pour Homme Intense by Prada. Bergamot warms with its earl grey note, a clean patchouli and spicy myrrh creates a dark chocolate note, and the Madagascan vanilla makes it purr. I got this for myself and Boyfriend is the one stealing sprays when I'm not watching.

Try if: You like a woody gourmand, but want something more serious.

Reminds me of: A spiked Thierry Mulger Angel or one of many Black Phoenix Alchemy Laboratory oils on heat.

There's been a few Narciso Rodriguez flankers floating around since the original scent was released in 2003.

I've mostly avoided them, because I get grumpy when given too many variations on a single fragrance (See Gucci's Flora for snarky evidence). As such, I've only tried the original (pretty and fresh in a musk-soaked floral kind of way) and the Essence Eau de Musc (MOAR WHITE MUSK!). The newbie is called Narciso Rodriguez For Her Delicate, and I have the EDT version.

Excuse the wonky photos, obviously I was wearing an eye patch while taking them which threw my vision off. Why was I wearing an eye patch? Because otherwise my Blaine outfit wouldn't be current. Obviously.

I've really surprised myself by liking this one. It's a warm milk and creamy fig kind of scent, with a touch of natural (not toasted) almond rounding out the dairy feel. The fig isn't rich or exotic, but a slightly green, a pulled from the tree and gently squeezed kind of fruit, without the sharp fuzz of the tree's leaves. It's not a musk overload, nor does it veer into laundry powder floral like the original. Orange blossom is listed, but thankfully doesn't turn all metallic-soap on me like it normally does. It's a passive fragrance, it won't offend anyone, but it's forthcoming in what it is. There's no marketing suggesting it's anything else. The official notes are listed as soft musk, coriander, fig, orange blossom, vetiver and amber.

The staying power is pretty bad, it only lasted about an hour on me. For now this doesn't phase me, as I've introduced it into my bedtime perfume rotation and it only needs to last long enough to send me to sleep (I'm planning a post on sleepy time fragrances, and their magical snoozy properties, which will hopefully make me sound less weird).

I wonder if the only reason this is branded as a For Her scent is because it already has a ready-made customer base. To me, it really doesn't resemble the original, aside from the musk (which everything has nowadays anyway) and I wouldn't have even bothered smelling it if it didn't literally come across my desk. However I would be very interested in trying a new line from Narciso. Perhaps they are shutting off a new audience, simply by refusing to start with a new vision, bottle and branding? That said, it is a very pretty and practical bottle, with its purple ombre shading, and simple 'I'm a bottle!' shape.

Another day, another flanker, right? Or in Gucci's case, another five flankers in a collection entitled 'The Flora Garden'. Okay, so to get all bias to the left, much like the haters, I'll admit that I'm not one for flankers after the original best seller has already spawned a couple of somewhat related scent kin. Flora has only seen the release of Flora eau fraiche, a so-so, slightly greener and lighter version of the first Flora, which in turn I didn't mind too much despite its boringness, but think Versace Versus worked the same notes a lot better and harder.

So with five flankers at once, Gucci sure is pushing its luck with me. You've been warned.

Dude, this is some fruity business. Floral, my ass. Although the only fruit note listed is citrus zest, I can't even detect a single shaving of the sharpness you'd expect. I get a nose of Frosty Fruit ice-block, the pineapple and watermelon kind, heavy on the melon. Freesia slips in and rests on a very pale white musk base, along with a sweet peony. Any magnolia is MIA and the supposed chocolate note never shows. That artificial 'fresh green' note that featured in the original Flora is present throughout the life of the scent, and although it's not particularly unpleasant, it's just so plastic smelling. Not my kind of thing at all.

Official notes are listed as freesia, green leaves, citrus zest, peony, magnolia, musk, sandalwood, warm chocolate accord.

What up, Gorgeous Gardenia? With gardenia being one of my very favourite perfume notes ever, you never stood a chance, did you? You already know that I'm a fan of those grand old dames of white florals, those perfume institutions that are sometimes a little nana, but can still make a guy blush with their coy sexuality. You're nothing but a pale shadow, with your spun sugar, sweet honeysuckle and excess of pear and berry adding to the mainstay note of frangipani. If there's gardenia there, it's not the creamy rich lover I know and love. It's not your fault, Gorg, you're a perfectly ok fruity-floral for the DKNY Be Delicious market. You've just been labelled incorrectly. Flirty Frangipani is more your gig, and it stills fits in the garden line.

Official notes are red berries, pear, white gardenia, frangipani flower, patchouli, brown sugar accord.

And lastly, we come to Gracious Tuberose, my least favourite. I get hit with a burning soapy orange blossom assault, followed by the green Flora note again, topped up with something that smells like pink grapefruit, but is more likely the listed white cedarwood turned fruity by the peach and generic citrus. It's offensive in that it smells cheap, like a Glade spray, not even intended for personal wear.

Official notes are violet leaves, peach, tuberose, orange flower, citrus, rock rose and white cedarwood.

There are two other fragrances in the line, Generous Violet and Glorious Mandarin, which I haven't smelt yet and therefore cannot give my thoughts on, but what's with the random citrus?Also, something about the names is really bugging me. They are all so placid. Glorious is the only adjective I like, with Generous and Gracious the main offenders. I'm not suggesting that Gucci is grooming a generation of docile do-gooders, but they totally are there's a few different words with a bit more spirit to them that would make them at least seem more exciting.

This line is not for me at all (I understand if you're surprised, I've been so subtle about my feelings) but the Gucci brand always sells buttloads so I wouldn't be surprised if it does well on shelf. I haven't seen ad copy for the range yet, but the names and bottles seem to appeal to the teen that wants to been seen as sophisticated rather than juvenile. I know 16-year-old Michaela would have hoovered these up if she could afford them (then sadly turned to her Water Berry Australis spray).

They are meant to be available from early April, but I had the Gucci store sales assistant mention them to me that they will be in-store very soon, so I thought I would post my reviews know to warn inform y'all.

Okay, so I know Valentine's Day was ages ago, but in all fairness I've been busy. Busy...uh...doing work and paying bills and being a real-life adult. One who doesn't eat cheese and condensed milk straight from the tube for dinner.*

This swap was organised by the wonderful Mystique from Beast & Beauty and I was paired with Mary from Simply Beautiful, who is based in the US. You can see what I sent her here.

Look at all these goodies! I'm really excited about the Maybelline Dream Bouncy Blush and Revlon Lip Butter and plan to review soon. There was also a Smoky Eye kit from Too Faced which I'm looking forward to trying as A) I'm a dolt with eyeshadow and this palette has tutorial cards for three different looks and B) I'm a Too Faced virgin. Time to pop that cherry!

I also received a set of Stila glosses and a mascara from Too Faced. I have a huge backlog of mascaras, but this is heading straight to the top of the pile, while the glosses will find a happy home in my collection.

There's also some false lashes from Kiss, a couple of samples and some chocolatey noms. Fact - American Snickers taste a lot more peanutty than Australia's version. This can only be a good thing.

Thanks Mary for sending me these awesome products! I hope you enjoyed your package just as much.

*I lie. This is a totally acceptable dinner.